*getting a heart.

its hard to explain the pure joy that i am feeling at this moment. this morning at 0330 AM, a baby boy received a new heart. a new heart that will allow him to leave the pediatric intensive care unit at childrens hospital los angeles, the place that he has called home since he was born. . . 10 months ago.
he was born with a heart defect known as cardiomyopathy, which literally means heart muscle disease and as you can imagine, it is not very compatible with living. the only cure is a heart transplant. our mission for the past 10 months was to keep him alive until we found a heart for him. and since infant hearts are hard to come by, we waited. and waited. he needed a machine to breath, and a small pharmacy of medications given around the clock to maintain his optimal health. almost every single nurse on our unit has been his nurse at least once. . . many of us have had him more times then we can remember. we have all had our ups and downs with him, from rocking out to soft rock all night long with him (his favorite song being careless whisper by george michael. . . at least, thats what i like to think) to watching him extubate himself 6 times with a mere flick of his head (which was almost cute because you got to see him without a tube in his mouth but were too busy being scared shit-less and running around trying to get ready for the emergent re-intubation). but no matter what, he always had an endearing quality to him. he was only months old, being put through more than most of us could ever imagine, yet he kept on truckin.
as we walked on to the unit last night there was a rumor. . . a whisper in the air that he was finally getting a heart. you could see every nurses face light up as the words sunk in.
it was so strange seeing his mom packing up all his belongings that had accumulated over the past 10 months, constantly being interrupted by hugs of joy from the many health care providers that were so over joyed by this moment. mom eternally grateful for everyone of us, no matter how small of a part we played is her baby boy's life here at CHLA. we all were afraid to leave on our break for fear of missing the send off.
as the moment arrived and the OR staff prepared for transport, we all began to gather, overwhelmed, knowing that his time had come. nurses comforting his mother who was crying tears of joy, her baby boy was getting a new heart. in a fury of good wishes and tears, he was carted away.
this is the reason why i do what i do. yes, it can be intense, and yes, sometimes it seems like the bad out weighs the good. but sometimes. . . you get to stand in a hallway, half an hour after you have already clocked out, and hear the sounds of a heart monitor getting closer and closer with a child's mother you've come to know over the past months, and see her face light up as she sees her baby boy for the first time . . . with his brand new heart.


the tin man begged for a heart, and all he got was some velvet stuffed with saw dust. today a baby got a new heart, and i have to admit. . . the real thing is far more magical.

Good luck B Mo, we're all routing for you.